The 2009 Remix Report Card, Vol. 4
"America's Suitehearts (Remix)" by Fall Out Boy featuring Joe Budden, 88 Keys and Murs
Fall Out Boy have a weird relationship with rap that's easy to make fun of -- co-signing cornballs like Gym Class Heroes and Tyga, jumping on only the lamest BAPE-type clothing trends, getting Jay-Z on a record just to talk some bullshit for the intro, getting 50 Cent as their opening act, plus that whole embarrassing cringy "Fall Out Boy work with rap super producer and get kicked out of the hood" subplot in the "Arms Race" video, which preceded them actually working with Timbaland, Kanye, etc. But at the same time I'm willing to take those gestures at face value as well-meaning, since it's not a stretch to say that they are, along with the probably at least 85% of all white males of our generation who genuinely listen to hip hop and love it and grew up with it, and Stump produces pretty decent beats anyway. This is kinda weak sauce, though, the wrong song to try to shoehorn into this format and a really weird scattershot guest list.
Best Verse: Joe Budden
Overall Grade: C
"Epiphany (Remix)" by Chrisette Michelle featuring Rick Ross and Juelz Santana
I still don't really know what to make of Chrisette Michelle; all her cloying retro coos kind of clash with the way Def Jam will just throw her in the studio with every rapper on their roster. This Ne-Yo-penned single is kind of a step in the right direction for her, but I'm still not really feelin' it. Ross's intro is kinda hilarious. Remember those 2 years when Juelz Santana didn't release a single note of music? That was nice.
Best Verse: Rick Ross
Overall Grade: D
"I Run (Remix)" by Slim Thug featuring Chamillionaire and Z-Ro
Slim Thug is one of the most boring rappers to ever get a deal and this Flock Of Seagulls shit is corny as hell, but this kinda knocks when you get some decent rappers on the beat. Chamillionaire's verse namedrops both Paris Hilton and Perez Hilton but he fronts on some "I don't even know who that is" bullshit, which is pretty entertaining, but Z-Ro just owns this shit without even trying.
Best Verse: Z-Ro
Overall Grade: B
"Move (Remix)" by Mims featuring DJ Class
The whole phenomenon of Baltimore club vet DJ Class coming out of nowhere with a big crossover hit and getting signed to a major label has been really exciting for me to watch and write about, and all the remixes artists have been doing of his single have been cool even if I don't feel like the song's quite big enough nationally yet to include them in this space. But "Move" is kind of a big song for him to do the official remix of, even if the original kinda sucks and nobody likes Mims. This is a lot of fun, though, I hope the Bmore DJs pick up on this. The best part is when DJ Class loops up the "n____s say that they the shit" part in reference to his own hit, "I'm The Shit."
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B+
"Poker Face (Remix)" by Lady Gaga featuring Pete Rock
I can scarcely comprehend the existence of Lady Gaga and this song in general, let alone it being #1 now. So I'm just in a permanent state of shock and horror that a Pete Rock remix doesn't really have any effect on. The beat's decent, but you can't polish a turd, Pete.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C
"So Good (Remix)" by Electrik Red featuring Lil Wayne
Wayne's entire vocal style at this point is so full of tics and throaty noises and fake laughs that I kind of feel like he only sounds good anymore on big busy noisy productions that kind of match his scattered energy, like "Turnin' Me Off" and "Number One." So throwing him on a crisp midtempo track like this is kind of a recipe for disaster, and he does nothing to disprove my theory with his stupid annoying endless verse on here.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D
"Want It, Need It (Remix)" by Plies featuring Rick Ross and Ashanti
Remember when Slip N Slide was known for an incredible run of Trick Daddy and Trina records and not these two awful fake boring talentless sellouts? Shit is sickening, B.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: F
Fall Out Boy have a weird relationship with rap that's easy to make fun of -- co-signing cornballs like Gym Class Heroes and Tyga, jumping on only the lamest BAPE-type clothing trends, getting Jay-Z on a record just to talk some bullshit for the intro, getting 50 Cent as their opening act, plus that whole embarrassing cringy "Fall Out Boy work with rap super producer and get kicked out of the hood" subplot in the "Arms Race" video, which preceded them actually working with Timbaland, Kanye, etc. But at the same time I'm willing to take those gestures at face value as well-meaning, since it's not a stretch to say that they are, along with the probably at least 85% of all white males of our generation who genuinely listen to hip hop and love it and grew up with it, and Stump produces pretty decent beats anyway. This is kinda weak sauce, though, the wrong song to try to shoehorn into this format and a really weird scattershot guest list.
Best Verse: Joe Budden
Overall Grade: C
"Epiphany (Remix)" by Chrisette Michelle featuring Rick Ross and Juelz Santana
I still don't really know what to make of Chrisette Michelle; all her cloying retro coos kind of clash with the way Def Jam will just throw her in the studio with every rapper on their roster. This Ne-Yo-penned single is kind of a step in the right direction for her, but I'm still not really feelin' it. Ross's intro is kinda hilarious. Remember those 2 years when Juelz Santana didn't release a single note of music? That was nice.
Best Verse: Rick Ross
Overall Grade: D
"I Run (Remix)" by Slim Thug featuring Chamillionaire and Z-Ro
Slim Thug is one of the most boring rappers to ever get a deal and this Flock Of Seagulls shit is corny as hell, but this kinda knocks when you get some decent rappers on the beat. Chamillionaire's verse namedrops both Paris Hilton and Perez Hilton but he fronts on some "I don't even know who that is" bullshit, which is pretty entertaining, but Z-Ro just owns this shit without even trying.
Best Verse: Z-Ro
Overall Grade: B
"Move (Remix)" by Mims featuring DJ Class
The whole phenomenon of Baltimore club vet DJ Class coming out of nowhere with a big crossover hit and getting signed to a major label has been really exciting for me to watch and write about, and all the remixes artists have been doing of his single have been cool even if I don't feel like the song's quite big enough nationally yet to include them in this space. But "Move" is kind of a big song for him to do the official remix of, even if the original kinda sucks and nobody likes Mims. This is a lot of fun, though, I hope the Bmore DJs pick up on this. The best part is when DJ Class loops up the "n____s say that they the shit" part in reference to his own hit, "I'm The Shit."
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B+
"Poker Face (Remix)" by Lady Gaga featuring Pete Rock
I can scarcely comprehend the existence of Lady Gaga and this song in general, let alone it being #1 now. So I'm just in a permanent state of shock and horror that a Pete Rock remix doesn't really have any effect on. The beat's decent, but you can't polish a turd, Pete.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C
"So Good (Remix)" by Electrik Red featuring Lil Wayne
Wayne's entire vocal style at this point is so full of tics and throaty noises and fake laughs that I kind of feel like he only sounds good anymore on big busy noisy productions that kind of match his scattered energy, like "Turnin' Me Off" and "Number One." So throwing him on a crisp midtempo track like this is kind of a recipe for disaster, and he does nothing to disprove my theory with his stupid annoying endless verse on here.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D
"Want It, Need It (Remix)" by Plies featuring Rick Ross and Ashanti
Remember when Slip N Slide was known for an incredible run of Trick Daddy and Trina records and not these two awful fake boring talentless sellouts? Shit is sickening, B.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: F
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