The 2012 Remix Report Card, Vol. 1
"Birthday Cake (Remix)" by Rihanna featuring Chris Brown
The whole context surrounding this track is so fucked and difficult to disentangle from the music itself, but I'll nonetheless try to just talk about the track: I thought the song was dope (if kind of undeniably stupid with some of The-Dream's most incoherent innuendo to date) when it was getting radio spins as just an 80-second snippet, and when I heard about the remix I thought for sure it would just ruin the song forever for me. Instead, I ended up listening to it every time it came on the radio anyway because fuck it, I like the beat. Chris doesn't improve it at all but he's done worse things to better songs before so I'm not gonna get all bent out of shape about it on principle.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D
"I Do (Remix)" by Young Jeezy featuring Drake, Jay-Z and Andre 3000
Last summer when Jeezy started talking up this song, the Drake verse was already recorded and was supposed to be on the album. So when the single finally dropped, I was happy to see he'd been left off the song and joked that Jeezy deserved a Grammy just for having a Drake verse and not using it. But now that it's finally leaked, I'm really kind of amazed how bad the verse is even by Drake standards, he really would've ruined hearing this song on the radio constantly.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: F
"Marilyn Monroe (Remix)" by Brianna Perry featuring Wale
This was the beloved sleeper rap single of '11 that I put on my Pazz & Jop ballot, and it's been exciting to watch it continue to gradually gain more recognition in the new year, even if the big star on the remix is someone pretty lame and useless. I'm just glad they didn't use the Wale version for the video or the national single rollout, which is what I feared when I first saw this on Brianna's mixtape.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C
"The Motto (Remix)" by Drake featuring Tyga and Lil Wayne
Young Money has kind of a weird habit of throwing labelmates into video versions of songs without putting them on the single or even pushing the track as a remix outside the video, like that stupid verse Mack Maine did in the "Got Money" video. This seems like kind of a quickie afterthought after they realized that "Rack City" was blowing up and that they could capitalize on that and put the label's one California native on this vaguely Cali-themed song. Tyga's verse is worthless but it's not like it's possible to be worse than Wayne's verse.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D
"Rack City (Remix)" by Tyga featuring Wale, Fabolous, Young Jeezy, Meek Mill and T.I.
The closest thing "Ima Boss" has had in the last few months for biggest posse cut remix, but for a song I hate instead of one I love. I have no idea what Wale thinks he's doing on the intro but he's even more annoying than usual (although points for his almost funny Rap City skits reference), Meek Mill totally sounds lost on this kind of beat, and T.I. drops the first remix verse that isn't great since he came home, so just by flipping Tyga's flow in a cool way and dropping a couple hot lines Fab wins it easy.
Best Verse: Fabolous
Overall Grade: C+
"Strange Clouds (Remix)" by B.o.B featuring T.I. and Young Jeezy
It's weird to think that B.o.B has come so far full circle as a worthless sellout that the hardest song he's done in forever was produced by Dr. Luke. It's a good beat, though, and Jeezy sounds dope over it.
Best Verse: Young Jeezy
Overall Grade: B-
"Thank You (Remix)" by Estelle featuring Busta Rhymes and French Montana
I could never fuckin' stand Estelle as a singer and wonder if the fact that she started out as a rapper is a clue there, but this is the closest thing she's ever made to a tolerable single and the closest thing she's ever made to a U.S. urban radio hit, kind of get a Sade vibe off this song. As much as I'm weary of Busta's recent tear of pointless doubletime verses, his earnest midtempo R&B verses are still way worse, and on this one he pronounces copacetic as "copastetic." French Montana still sounds like a sleepy toddler mumbling his way through every track but he at least fits the mood of this song better.
Best Verse: French Montana
Overall Grade: D
"Turn Up The Music (Remix)" by Chris Brown featuring Rihanna
As pretty much the only person who thought "Yeah 3X" was Chris Brown's best post-comeback single I would like to confirm that this carbon copy of it is completely worthless, although the one thing I can give this remix is that it sounds slightly more natural as a Rihanna song.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D
"Why Stop Now (Remix)" by Busta Rhymes featuring Lil Wayne, Missy Elliott and Chris Brown
The original was a really sad, stilted attempt to capitalize on "Look At Me Now" so it bummed me out to even see Missy show up on here on her really patchy comeback trail of random collabs. It is fun to hear her rap on an aggro beat like this though, since it's kind of the opposite of her best recent guest spot on J. Cole's new R&B single.
Best Verse: Missy Elliott
Overall Grade: C+
The whole context surrounding this track is so fucked and difficult to disentangle from the music itself, but I'll nonetheless try to just talk about the track: I thought the song was dope (if kind of undeniably stupid with some of The-Dream's most incoherent innuendo to date) when it was getting radio spins as just an 80-second snippet, and when I heard about the remix I thought for sure it would just ruin the song forever for me. Instead, I ended up listening to it every time it came on the radio anyway because fuck it, I like the beat. Chris doesn't improve it at all but he's done worse things to better songs before so I'm not gonna get all bent out of shape about it on principle.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D
"I Do (Remix)" by Young Jeezy featuring Drake, Jay-Z and Andre 3000
Last summer when Jeezy started talking up this song, the Drake verse was already recorded and was supposed to be on the album. So when the single finally dropped, I was happy to see he'd been left off the song and joked that Jeezy deserved a Grammy just for having a Drake verse and not using it. But now that it's finally leaked, I'm really kind of amazed how bad the verse is even by Drake standards, he really would've ruined hearing this song on the radio constantly.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: F
"Marilyn Monroe (Remix)" by Brianna Perry featuring Wale
This was the beloved sleeper rap single of '11 that I put on my Pazz & Jop ballot, and it's been exciting to watch it continue to gradually gain more recognition in the new year, even if the big star on the remix is someone pretty lame and useless. I'm just glad they didn't use the Wale version for the video or the national single rollout, which is what I feared when I first saw this on Brianna's mixtape.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C
"The Motto (Remix)" by Drake featuring Tyga and Lil Wayne
Young Money has kind of a weird habit of throwing labelmates into video versions of songs without putting them on the single or even pushing the track as a remix outside the video, like that stupid verse Mack Maine did in the "Got Money" video. This seems like kind of a quickie afterthought after they realized that "Rack City" was blowing up and that they could capitalize on that and put the label's one California native on this vaguely Cali-themed song. Tyga's verse is worthless but it's not like it's possible to be worse than Wayne's verse.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D
"Rack City (Remix)" by Tyga featuring Wale, Fabolous, Young Jeezy, Meek Mill and T.I.
The closest thing "Ima Boss" has had in the last few months for biggest posse cut remix, but for a song I hate instead of one I love. I have no idea what Wale thinks he's doing on the intro but he's even more annoying than usual (although points for his almost funny Rap City skits reference), Meek Mill totally sounds lost on this kind of beat, and T.I. drops the first remix verse that isn't great since he came home, so just by flipping Tyga's flow in a cool way and dropping a couple hot lines Fab wins it easy.
Best Verse: Fabolous
Overall Grade: C+
"Strange Clouds (Remix)" by B.o.B featuring T.I. and Young Jeezy
It's weird to think that B.o.B has come so far full circle as a worthless sellout that the hardest song he's done in forever was produced by Dr. Luke. It's a good beat, though, and Jeezy sounds dope over it.
Best Verse: Young Jeezy
Overall Grade: B-
"Thank You (Remix)" by Estelle featuring Busta Rhymes and French Montana
I could never fuckin' stand Estelle as a singer and wonder if the fact that she started out as a rapper is a clue there, but this is the closest thing she's ever made to a tolerable single and the closest thing she's ever made to a U.S. urban radio hit, kind of get a Sade vibe off this song. As much as I'm weary of Busta's recent tear of pointless doubletime verses, his earnest midtempo R&B verses are still way worse, and on this one he pronounces copacetic as "copastetic." French Montana still sounds like a sleepy toddler mumbling his way through every track but he at least fits the mood of this song better.
Best Verse: French Montana
Overall Grade: D
"Turn Up The Music (Remix)" by Chris Brown featuring Rihanna
As pretty much the only person who thought "Yeah 3X" was Chris Brown's best post-comeback single I would like to confirm that this carbon copy of it is completely worthless, although the one thing I can give this remix is that it sounds slightly more natural as a Rihanna song.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D
"Why Stop Now (Remix)" by Busta Rhymes featuring Lil Wayne, Missy Elliott and Chris Brown
The original was a really sad, stilted attempt to capitalize on "Look At Me Now" so it bummed me out to even see Missy show up on here on her really patchy comeback trail of random collabs. It is fun to hear her rap on an aggro beat like this though, since it's kind of the opposite of her best recent guest spot on J. Cole's new R&B single.
Best Verse: Missy Elliott
Overall Grade: C+
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on Sunday, February 26, 2012 at 11:04 PM.
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