The 2008 Remix Report Card, Vol. 9
"Dangerous (Remix)" by Kardinal Offishal featuring Akon, Twista and Sean Paul
Seriously just hours before I heard this, a Twista song popped up on iTunes and I was thinking about how much I miss him being everywhere and popping up on remixes, and then here we go, a remix to a big big hit with him on it. It always kind of tickles me when a big remix like this happens but the guest lineup looks like it could've happened in like 2004. Do we still not have a more recent token dancehall crossover guy for remixes like this than Sean Paul? I still kind of haven't registered this song as being successful, I never heard it much and I didn't think Akon still had the juice to float any ol' song into the top 10, but there it is. I like the changed up beat on this.
Best Verse: Twista
Overall Grade: B+
"I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time (Remix)" by Mariah Carey featuring LL Cool J and Ghostface Killah
This is the 2nd underperforming single from Mimi's latest album that she's issued 2 official remixes for, after the execreble "Bye Bye." But at least this time, she managed to find guests that sound better on the beat than T.I., who was never a great fit for the single version, even if on the fame level both guests are a total downgrade from him. LL's verse is goofy as hell just like "Baby," but it works better than Ghostface's, which aims for the kind of charming, detail-oriented thing he usually does but makes it sound like he has some creepy S&M relationship and makes girls pick his boogers.
Best Verse: LL Cool J
Overall Grade: B-
"Kiss Kiss (Remix)" by Chris Brown featuring Nelly and T-Pain
One of those ones that I guess happened months ago that I didn't know about 'til recently, but is apparently the version of the song that has been more successful than the original in the U.K. for some reason. Really good match, actually, now that I think of it "Kiss Kiss" is just the kind of song Nelly should've come back with instead of all the shit he's released as singles in the past year, he even sounds good ad-libbing Chis's verses. I mean seriously, of all the established stars on T-Pain's jock right now, Nelly's the one that probably would've actually been a good match with him for a collabo.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B-
"She Got Her Own (Miss Independent Pt. 2)" by Ne-Yo featuring Jamie Foxx and Fabolous
Hmm, a sequel to a hit about female empowerment with the word "Independent" in the title and a hook featuring the phrase "I got it"? Sounds familiar. Weird to hear Jamie Foxx on kind of a sincere song and sounding pretty good considering that he's currently getting spins with the creepy groping anthem "Please Excuse My Hands." I'm also wondering if this, like "Love In This Club Part II," will qualify as a separate entry on Billboard singles charts, unlike most remixes, because of the distinct title, but it probably won't matter since this isn't nearly as big a hit.
Best Verse: C+
Overall Grade: Jamie Foxx
"Spotlight (Remix)" by Jennifer Hudson featuring Rick Ross / featuring Young Jeezy
Another situation where both remixes are apparently official and label-sanctioned, but they're 2 seperately released tracks. And normally I'd say they should've just been combined into a posse cut, but given the huge quality gap and the completely different approaches, I'm glad they're separate. The Ross version is predictably boring and ill-advised, and the Jeezy one should be, too, judging from most of his past R&B guest spots, but instead he goes all the way uptempo with his verse and a goofy-ass flow, album plugs, jokes about plugging his album, and sassing J-Hud with "All that singin', what ya sayin'?"
Best Verse: Young Jeezy
Overall Grade: C / B+
"When I Grow Up (Darkchild Remix)" by the Pussycat Dolls featuring Diddy, Lil Wayne and Fatman Scoop
The original is one of the worst songs to inexplicably become a hit this year, so this can't help but be an improvement, but it isn't by a very wide margin, thanks to yet another boring-ass Rodney Jerkins beat and Jerkins himself playing with Autotune. Diddy's verse with the weird high backup vocals and "cruise through the waters that's blue and shit" is pretty entertaining, though.
Best Verse: Diddy
Overall Grade: B
Seriously just hours before I heard this, a Twista song popped up on iTunes and I was thinking about how much I miss him being everywhere and popping up on remixes, and then here we go, a remix to a big big hit with him on it. It always kind of tickles me when a big remix like this happens but the guest lineup looks like it could've happened in like 2004. Do we still not have a more recent token dancehall crossover guy for remixes like this than Sean Paul? I still kind of haven't registered this song as being successful, I never heard it much and I didn't think Akon still had the juice to float any ol' song into the top 10, but there it is. I like the changed up beat on this.
Best Verse: Twista
Overall Grade: B+
"I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time (Remix)" by Mariah Carey featuring LL Cool J and Ghostface Killah
This is the 2nd underperforming single from Mimi's latest album that she's issued 2 official remixes for, after the execreble "Bye Bye." But at least this time, she managed to find guests that sound better on the beat than T.I., who was never a great fit for the single version, even if on the fame level both guests are a total downgrade from him. LL's verse is goofy as hell just like "Baby," but it works better than Ghostface's, which aims for the kind of charming, detail-oriented thing he usually does but makes it sound like he has some creepy S&M relationship and makes girls pick his boogers.
Best Verse: LL Cool J
Overall Grade: B-
"Kiss Kiss (Remix)" by Chris Brown featuring Nelly and T-Pain
One of those ones that I guess happened months ago that I didn't know about 'til recently, but is apparently the version of the song that has been more successful than the original in the U.K. for some reason. Really good match, actually, now that I think of it "Kiss Kiss" is just the kind of song Nelly should've come back with instead of all the shit he's released as singles in the past year, he even sounds good ad-libbing Chis's verses. I mean seriously, of all the established stars on T-Pain's jock right now, Nelly's the one that probably would've actually been a good match with him for a collabo.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B-
"She Got Her Own (Miss Independent Pt. 2)" by Ne-Yo featuring Jamie Foxx and Fabolous
Hmm, a sequel to a hit about female empowerment with the word "Independent" in the title and a hook featuring the phrase "I got it"? Sounds familiar. Weird to hear Jamie Foxx on kind of a sincere song and sounding pretty good considering that he's currently getting spins with the creepy groping anthem "Please Excuse My Hands." I'm also wondering if this, like "Love In This Club Part II," will qualify as a separate entry on Billboard singles charts, unlike most remixes, because of the distinct title, but it probably won't matter since this isn't nearly as big a hit.
Best Verse: C+
Overall Grade: Jamie Foxx
"Spotlight (Remix)" by Jennifer Hudson featuring Rick Ross / featuring Young Jeezy
Another situation where both remixes are apparently official and label-sanctioned, but they're 2 seperately released tracks. And normally I'd say they should've just been combined into a posse cut, but given the huge quality gap and the completely different approaches, I'm glad they're separate. The Ross version is predictably boring and ill-advised, and the Jeezy one should be, too, judging from most of his past R&B guest spots, but instead he goes all the way uptempo with his verse and a goofy-ass flow, album plugs, jokes about plugging his album, and sassing J-Hud with "All that singin', what ya sayin'?"
Best Verse: Young Jeezy
Overall Grade: C / B+
"When I Grow Up (Darkchild Remix)" by the Pussycat Dolls featuring Diddy, Lil Wayne and Fatman Scoop
The original is one of the worst songs to inexplicably become a hit this year, so this can't help but be an improvement, but it isn't by a very wide margin, thanks to yet another boring-ass Rodney Jerkins beat and Jerkins himself playing with Autotune. Diddy's verse with the weird high backup vocals and "cruise through the waters that's blue and shit" is pretty entertaining, though.
Best Verse: Diddy
Overall Grade: B
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