The 2009 Remix Report Card, Vol. 1

"Arab Money (Remix)" by Busta Rhymes featuring Ron Browz, Diddy, Swizz Beatz, T-Pain, Akon and Lil Wayne
I included this on the list in last month's '08 wrap up along with the "She Got It" remix below, but I hadn't gotten to actually writing about them yet, so I'm just rolling them forward to this edition. The original "Arab Money" isn't any good, but the problems mainly lie in the fact that the beat is a pathetic synth wheeze along the lines of also-terrible new New York anthem "We Fly High" and Ron Browz's boring "Pop Champagne" soundalike hook, before you even get into the ignorant subject matter. Still, I gotta give the remix some credit for addressing the controversy in a clever way, while half-assing its attempt at a politically correct revision (with the changed pronunciation of the title and the actual Arabic lyrics). T-Pain already singled out Browz as the worst abuser of AutoTune, so it's kind of odd to see him show up here, but I'm glad he did, because his run of hyper remix verses in '07 (on "2 Step" and "Pop Lock & Drop It") were pretty key in me starting to really appreciate T-Pain, and it's bummed me out that he hasn't done more in the past year.
Best Verse: T-Pain
Overall Grade: B

"Forever (Remix)" by Chris Brown featuring Lil Wayne and Lupe Fiasco
I never really understood the appeal of the original (in other words, it's not one of the 2 or 3 Chris Brown songs that's great in spite of him), but Wayne's having a lot of fun on here and jacking Bay Area slang. In sharp contrast, Lupe sounds even stiffer than usual and really just proves that even if his stature has reached all-star remix level, it's not a playing field he's suited for. I'm kinda glad that Wayne is jumping on Polow tracks like this and "Turnin' Me On" and shouting him out a lot lately, I think if there's one producer that could really make sense of the direction Wayne's going in right now and do some good tracks with him, it's Polow.
Best Verse: Lil Wayne
Overall Grade: C+

"Go Hard (Remix)" by DJ Khaled featuring Jay-Z, Kanye West and T-Pain
In the past 5 years that Kanye has begun to eclipse him in terms of sales and awards, Jay has done a pretty decent job of keeping the upper hand, still seeming like ultimately the bigger star, not just 'big brother.' But really, his recent habit of only jumping on remixes of songs Kanye was on first ("Put On" and now this). I actually got kinda hyped at first when that "Jigga My Nigga" synth came in, but then it turned out to be the same old annoying beat as the original, and Jay sounding increasingly winded and lazy as the verse wears on. The Heath Ledger reference isn't even really offensive, it's just dumb.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C

"She Got It (Remix)" by 2 Pistols featuring Twista and Lil Kim
This is pretty ancient, but I was out of the country when it came out in May, and since neither the song nor the guests were really a big deal, its buzz didn't maintain long enough for me to hear about it at the time. My love for Twista is well documented and I think he should be on every remix, but damn does he kill it on this, even when he slows down the flow, lol @ "If you was dirty I'd still drink your bathwater." Kim is actually better than usual, since she leaves the AutoTune alone.
Best Verse: Twista
Overall Grade: B

"Show Out (Remix)" by DJ Unk featuring Jim Jones, Soulja Boy, Sean Kingston and E-40
Unk's first two big singles got a lot of mileage out of really memorable guest verses on their remixes (Andre 3K on "Walk It Out" and the aforementioned T-Pain on "2 Step," respectively), so you'd think he'd work to make this one an event, too. But just as "Show Out" is a pretty lame follow-up to those singles, this is a pretty lame follow-up to those remixes. It's weird to hear Sean Kingston out of nowhere after he kinda disappeared for most of '08, and you might think he could toss out a decent T-Pain/Akon-type verse, he sounds totally awkward and lost on this. Jimmy bites a Jay line, which you'd really think he'd learn to stop doing by now. 40 Water demolishes everyone else by default, and offers a great comeback to the most tiresome catchphrase of the past year: "y'all trippin'/if you think that/it ain't trickin'/if you got it."
Best Verse: E-40
Overall Grade: C-

"Turnin' Me On (Remix)" by Keri Hilson featuring Busta Rhymes
It's pretty sad just how unexciting it is to hear that Busta's on a remix these days, considering his gloried past. I mean, even a lot of older guys whose buzz is at an all-time low (Luda, Jada, Fab) still manage to turn in pretty dope remix verses, but Busta is just tapped the fuck out. He's kind of doing the same boring measured punchline flow that he did on Wayne's "La La" and it's just a bummer, although the weird new vocal line Keri does at the beginning is kinda cool.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D

"T-Shirt (Remix)" by Shontelle featuring The-Dream
The Shontelligent one on a track with the most Shontarded hook man in R&B, but the vibe is perfect for him and he somehow elevates what I thought was a pretty generic track into something much more listenable.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B

"We Break the Dawn Part 2 (DJ Montay Remix)" by Michelle Williams featuring Flo Rida
Another older one I'm just catching up to, this was one of my favorite sleeper jams of '08. Back around the time "Low" dropped I had high hopes that Flo Rida would hold it down for good uptempo Miami party rap since Pitbull fell off and everyone else started doing slow Rick Ross-style cruising beats. And while Flo Rida has kept doing fast party songs all of them have kinda sucked, so it's nice to finally hear him on a song I like again.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B-
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diddy is great on the "arab money" remix - i sanction more remixes featuring diddy being ridiculous and saying shit like "i'm about to buy dubai and swim in the shark section"

also "i was buyin out planes just to fly around spain" is a hot line
 
Yeah, I definitely came close to saying Diddy had the best verse, should've gave him his props in the post.
 
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