"All Gold Everything" by Trinidad James featuring T.I., Young Jeezy and 2 Chainz
The most hilarious about this remix is that Trinidad James, whose one verse on the original song could barely even be construed as rapping, given its almost total lack of rhymes, makes a point to drop some new vocals on here just to say "I ain't doin' no verse on my shit, I already killed it!" before letting some all-stars run circles around him on the beat. That's why the success of this song doesn't worry me about TJ become ubiquitous for any length of time -- just like Kreayshawn or anyone else who got lucky with one song but doesn't really make music, the ride will end sooner than later. Things start off well enough here, Tip's verse is perfect and Jeezy sounds good on the beat. But then 2 Chainz, who at his best is still wildly consistent, shows his ass with maybe the single sloppiest, laziest verse of a career full of them. In a way it's a fitting tribute to Trinidad.
Best Verse: T.I.
Overall Grade: C+

"Colombia (Remix)" by Young Scooter featuring Rick Ross, Birdman and Gucci Mane
The original is like the worst song on the Young Scooter tape, I have no idea why it's his breakout song. The remix at least works a little better, but it's still a limp, turgid song. To be honest I don't really get Scooter, he sounds like a Gucci imitator, and anytime the real Gucci shows up on a track with him the gulf in skill is huge. I was almost disappointed by how good Gucci's verse was, though, just because I thought for the first time I might give best verse to Birdman.
Best Verse: Gucci Mane
Overall Grade: B-

"Constant Conversations" by Passion Pit featuring Juicy J
I guess I could be mad at this, as I usually am when a rock act appears here, but this works pretty well. Juicy probably sounds more at home on this track than on his own new single with The Weeknd.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B+

"Don't Wanna Be In Love (Remix)" by Brooke Valentine featuring Scarface
Scarface is a legend and can do anything he wants, but there really hasn't been much rhyme or reason to what records he does or who he collaborates with for a great many years. So here we are with Brooke Valentine, still trying to claw her way back into the industry 8 years after he one great but commercially disappointing major label album, and Face blesses her single with a remix. Maybe he just wanted a chance to flow over that nice Isaac Hayes sample. He doesn't do anything amazing but I always dig his relationship talk, when he comes back for a second verse the narrative gets a little more vivid. What's cool and unexpected, though, is that the track is 6 minutes long and it doesn't just keep looping, it has a nice spacey outro.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B

"Gangnam Style (Diplo Remix)" by PSY featuring 2 Chainz and Tyga
Timing is everything, especially with lightning in a bottle like "Gangnam Style." And when the news first reported 3 months ago that PSY was in the studio with 2 Chainz and Diplo to do this remix, it still seemed like there was some potential for it to be something fun or exciting, but already it was getting a little late to capitalize at that point. So now, for some reason, here it finally is, and Tyga is on it too.
Best Verse: 2 Chainz's first verse
Overall Grade: C

"I'm A Coke Boy" by Chinx Drugz featuring French Montana, Diddy and Rick Ross
Given my general opinion of all things French Montana and the fact that he does the hook on this song, I like it more than I'd expect to, nice beat, catchy hook. Chinx Drugs ain't even bad, despite his name. The remix doesn't elevate it substantially, Diddy doesn't say anything outlandish like he does in his best remix appearances, but I fuck with it.
Best Verse: Diddy
Overall Grade: B

"Karate Chop (Remix)" by Future featuring Lil Wayne
The one thing I will say in favor of this remix is that Wayne sounds better than the original track's guest, Casino, who totally fucked up the flow of the song. But generally his presence on the track is unnecessary at best, and at worst the Emmett Till line is awful. I'm not crazy about "Karate Chop," but it is kind of a great example of Future's talent as a rapper, the flow is completely absurd but he just nails it and puts words together really well to make the weird chopped syllables work.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: F

"My Cabana (Remix)" by Ty Dolla $ign featuring Young Jeezy
I wasn't really in love with this song when it was buzzing last year, nice bassline aside, and then they couldn't get the Skrillex sample (lol) cleared, and it seemed to die down. But now it looks like a label picked up on it, threw Jeezy on the track and re-did the track. The new beat is missing a little something of the original's texture but is otherwise pretty close, Jeezy doesn't add much but it sounds good I guess. Biggest problem I think is actually Ty's re-recorded verses, missing something from the original.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C

"Pink Matter (Remix)" by Frank Ocean featuring Big Boi and Andre 3000
The whole thing where Big Boi is jumping on songs Andre appeared on solo to create an Outkast against his will is kinda sad, but Andre putting out a press release to throw shade on him was even worse. I took a count recently and there are less than a dozen songs these guys have both rapped on since Stankonia, over 12 years ago, pretty ridiculous. I wasn't a big fan of the original song, one of my least favorites on the Ocean album, and I had a hard time imagining how Big Boi would sound on it, but he took a good approach. Really I like his verse better than the diminishing returns of Andre's overrated later verses. Also apparently that's him playing guitar on this song and goddamn is it garbage.
Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: B

"Representin' (Remix)" by Ludacris featuring R. Kelly and Fabolous
The original with Kelly Rowland was really bland and would've been depressing if Luda hadn't already lowered the bar so much over the years. So this doesn't really need to do much to be an improvement, but this is a huge improvement. For one thing, it's an R. Kelly remix in which Kells says "remix" over and over, which takes me back, that's just a good time right off the bat. But Luda's new verse is better, Fab is better than he's been in general lately, the original single shoulda been this good.
Best Verse: R. Kelly
Overall Grade: A

"Scream & Shout (Remix)" by will.i.am featuring Hit-Boy, Lil Wayne, Waka Flocka Flame, Diddy and Britney Spears
Now here's an example of how the original song can be a shitpile and the remix can be an even bigger shitpile. Hit-Boy's whole transparent attempt to follow the career path of Kanye (to the point that his video for lol "Jay-Z Interview" is basically "Through The Wire Part 2") is hilarious and of course he was able to leverage will.i.am asking him to do a "Niggas In Paris" rewrite beat for this into a vocal cameo and a spot in the video. Of all the terrible things about this track, the Wayne verse is the part that really seems to never end. Love Diddy just saying "this is a super black man remix" over and over at the end in lieu of a verse, though.
Best Verse: Waka Flocka Flame
Overall Grade: D

"She Bad Bad" by Eve featuring Pusha T and Juicy J
The original song is actually pretty dope, I always liked Eve and I feel bad that she can't quite jump back in the game. Funny how the 'current' guys she throws on her remix are both people that were doing well with groups last time she dropped an album over 10 years ago, though. Anyway this beat is crazy, Pusha works pretty well on it, but Juice is squeezing too many syllables in to the BPM instead of finding a more natural flow.
Best Verse: Pusha T
Overall Grade: B

"She Don't Put It Down (Remix)" by Joe Budden featuring Fabolous, Twista and Tank
Meanwhile Joe Budden actually HAS, on at least a low level, clawed his way back onto the radio, with his first radio hit in almost a decade, and it's a terrible "I'm On One" ripoff with an R&B hook and a Wayne verse, which is is just awful. And he's also got a couple dudes on the remix that were also in the game back 10 years ago. The bits in Fab's verse where he looks in with the start-stop mutes of the beat are pretty cool, but obviously Twista always kills it.
Best Verse: Twista
Overall Grade: B-

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 07, 2013 at 6:40 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.