Narrowcast rates music videos
Black Eyed Peas - "Pump It"
This video makes me feel so bad for Taboo. Not only does he get only 2 lines in the entire song, but he's the only member of the group who doesn't have a cool superpower, unless you count when he karate chops the camera at the very end, which I don't. 6/10
Fall Out Boy - "A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me'"
A while back, I talked about how the Killers kinda dropped the ball with a shitty third video for a song that could've been much bigger with a different video, but it didn't really matter because they'd already sold a couple million records at that point. This is the same kind of deal. I didn't like FOB's first hit, but I like "Dance, Dance" and I like this, but man, this video is ass. Doesn't fit the song at all, truly laughable acting, cheesy Buffie/Blade/Underworld vampire hunter plot, a lot of really annoying sound effects and dialogue that interrupt the song, which is one thing I can never forgive with videos. I mean, sure, go crazy with the choreography and special effects if you want, but let me listen to the actual song. My Chemical Romance's big epic 3rd video was also kind of a disappointing but at least fit and enhanced the mood of the song. 3/10
James Blunt - "You're Beautiful"
I still hate this song, but I've learned to enjoy whenever the video comes on by narrating the action in a shrill imitation of James Blunt's voice. "I took off my shirt. I'm sitting on the ground, with my shoes. I'm very wet, I might as well just jump into the water." Try it, it's loads of fun. 3/10
Busta Rhymes f/ Mary J. Blige, Rah Digga, Missy Elliott, Lloyd Banks, Papoose and DMX - "Touch It (Remix)"
It's a shame somebody had to die at all, but he at least could've died for a better video. It's a pretty entertaining spectacle, though, all the different guests and their names flashing across the screen, sometimes just people who aren't on the even on the song like Sean Paul show up and have their names flashed across the screen.The long long intro that involved both a tribute to Izzy and a silly skit with Spliff Star and a bunch of cheerleaders. And all the terrible terrible verses, maybe the non-rapper out of the bunch, Mary J., having the best verse of anyone, DMX's part rendered (more) incoherent by the censors (BLARGH BLARGH FORK IN YOUR EYE BLARGH BLARGH TOOTHLESS), Missy doing another stupid and slightly creepy verse about how she wishes she looked like Beyonce or Halle Berry or Nia Long. And Papoose managing through it all to still be the worst, like riding the beat never once occurred to him and he just had to do his cheesy conceptual rhyme about his fingers being the 5 boroughs. 4/10
Chris Brown - "Yo (Excuse Me Miss)"
I hated on this video a while back, but the song has really grown on me. And while the choreography is completely bizarre and embarrassing to watch, Omarion's cameo is funny enough to redeem even the unfunny DeRay cameo. 4/10
She Wants Revenge - "Tear You Apart"
I'm kind of fascinated by stuff like this and Louis XIV, and Morningwood, faux-indie bands that get across-the-board negative reviews, like critics and hipsters who fall for shitty nu-rock hypes all the time are just a little too proud of themselves for not falling for these shitty nu-rock hypes. This truly is horrible, but the Joaquin Phoenix-directed video is so over-the-top it's practically camp. There's a dialogue-heavy plot (note to Fall Out Boy: Joaquin Phoenix knows how to use subtitles instead of having people talk all over the song) about a girl who has a dick or some other dark secret that the guy who feels her up at the school dance is shocked and repulsed by. And when the high school lynch mob chases after her, the two wrinkly old douchebags from She Wants Revenge magically appear and rescue her to teach her how to be a happy hermaphrodite or something. 1/10
Missy Elliott - "We Run This"
Dave Meyers is the worst video director in the world when he's working with anyone besides Missy, but together they're pretty good. The first part of the video with "Bad Man" looks pretty amazing and makes me enjoy a song I never much liked on the album. The only parts that annoy me are when Missy's head is super-imposed on other people's bodies in ways that look really cheesy and unrealistic, but I guess that's all a part of her creepy "don't I look like Beyonce?" thing. 7/10
Pussycat Dolls f/ Will.I.Am - "Beep"
At first I thought I just liked this song because of the ELO sample but now I pretty much like the whole thing. It's obnoxious in a fun way like "My Humps" but is pretty well written, too. It's kind of hilarious how on their third single, they finally let a PCD other than the girl from Eden's Crush sing, and even then just a couple of the girls, a line each, Taboo-style, so they're not just glorified video chicks (which really, is what they are, one singer with a permanent crew of video chicks). And even then, the choruses handled by the other 2 girls are the worst parts of the song, they just totally fuck it up. I keep getting the feeling that Will.I.Am is paying homage in this to Q-Tip in the "Breathe And Stop" video, just because these are the only 2 videos I've ever seen where a rapper rides a bike through a room full of dancing chicks. 7/10
This video makes me feel so bad for Taboo. Not only does he get only 2 lines in the entire song, but he's the only member of the group who doesn't have a cool superpower, unless you count when he karate chops the camera at the very end, which I don't. 6/10
Fall Out Boy - "A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me'"
A while back, I talked about how the Killers kinda dropped the ball with a shitty third video for a song that could've been much bigger with a different video, but it didn't really matter because they'd already sold a couple million records at that point. This is the same kind of deal. I didn't like FOB's first hit, but I like "Dance, Dance" and I like this, but man, this video is ass. Doesn't fit the song at all, truly laughable acting, cheesy Buffie/Blade/Underworld vampire hunter plot, a lot of really annoying sound effects and dialogue that interrupt the song, which is one thing I can never forgive with videos. I mean, sure, go crazy with the choreography and special effects if you want, but let me listen to the actual song. My Chemical Romance's big epic 3rd video was also kind of a disappointing but at least fit and enhanced the mood of the song. 3/10
James Blunt - "You're Beautiful"
I still hate this song, but I've learned to enjoy whenever the video comes on by narrating the action in a shrill imitation of James Blunt's voice. "I took off my shirt. I'm sitting on the ground, with my shoes. I'm very wet, I might as well just jump into the water." Try it, it's loads of fun. 3/10
Busta Rhymes f/ Mary J. Blige, Rah Digga, Missy Elliott, Lloyd Banks, Papoose and DMX - "Touch It (Remix)"
It's a shame somebody had to die at all, but he at least could've died for a better video. It's a pretty entertaining spectacle, though, all the different guests and their names flashing across the screen, sometimes just people who aren't on the even on the song like Sean Paul show up and have their names flashed across the screen.The long long intro that involved both a tribute to Izzy and a silly skit with Spliff Star and a bunch of cheerleaders. And all the terrible terrible verses, maybe the non-rapper out of the bunch, Mary J., having the best verse of anyone, DMX's part rendered (more) incoherent by the censors (BLARGH BLARGH FORK IN YOUR EYE BLARGH BLARGH TOOTHLESS), Missy doing another stupid and slightly creepy verse about how she wishes she looked like Beyonce or Halle Berry or Nia Long. And Papoose managing through it all to still be the worst, like riding the beat never once occurred to him and he just had to do his cheesy conceptual rhyme about his fingers being the 5 boroughs. 4/10
Chris Brown - "Yo (Excuse Me Miss)"
I hated on this video a while back, but the song has really grown on me. And while the choreography is completely bizarre and embarrassing to watch, Omarion's cameo is funny enough to redeem even the unfunny DeRay cameo. 4/10
She Wants Revenge - "Tear You Apart"
I'm kind of fascinated by stuff like this and Louis XIV, and Morningwood, faux-indie bands that get across-the-board negative reviews, like critics and hipsters who fall for shitty nu-rock hypes all the time are just a little too proud of themselves for not falling for these shitty nu-rock hypes. This truly is horrible, but the Joaquin Phoenix-directed video is so over-the-top it's practically camp. There's a dialogue-heavy plot (note to Fall Out Boy: Joaquin Phoenix knows how to use subtitles instead of having people talk all over the song) about a girl who has a dick or some other dark secret that the guy who feels her up at the school dance is shocked and repulsed by. And when the high school lynch mob chases after her, the two wrinkly old douchebags from She Wants Revenge magically appear and rescue her to teach her how to be a happy hermaphrodite or something. 1/10
Missy Elliott - "We Run This"
Dave Meyers is the worst video director in the world when he's working with anyone besides Missy, but together they're pretty good. The first part of the video with "Bad Man" looks pretty amazing and makes me enjoy a song I never much liked on the album. The only parts that annoy me are when Missy's head is super-imposed on other people's bodies in ways that look really cheesy and unrealistic, but I guess that's all a part of her creepy "don't I look like Beyonce?" thing. 7/10
Pussycat Dolls f/ Will.I.Am - "Beep"
At first I thought I just liked this song because of the ELO sample but now I pretty much like the whole thing. It's obnoxious in a fun way like "My Humps" but is pretty well written, too. It's kind of hilarious how on their third single, they finally let a PCD other than the girl from Eden's Crush sing, and even then just a couple of the girls, a line each, Taboo-style, so they're not just glorified video chicks (which really, is what they are, one singer with a permanent crew of video chicks). And even then, the choruses handled by the other 2 girls are the worst parts of the song, they just totally fuck it up. I keep getting the feeling that Will.I.Am is paying homage in this to Q-Tip in the "Breathe And Stop" video, just because these are the only 2 videos I've ever seen where a rapper rides a bike through a room full of dancing chicks. 7/10
Labels: hip hop, R and B, TV, video
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 at 4:10 AM.
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