Bette Midler - "Beast of Burden"
Krudler's cover of one of my favorite Stones slowies is pretty straightforward, but the video is completely wacky, with Mick Jagger, who doesn't sing on her version of the song at all, dancing around and mugging it up with her like "Dancing In The Street" Part 2. Completely nuts.

Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show - "Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk"
An incredibly enthusiastic celebration of lechery, wherein a guy that looks like Rod Stewart wearing a fake beard and an eye patch follows a woman in excruciatingly tight jeans down the street and narrates as she catches the eye of every man she passes.

Accept - "Balls To The Wall"
An old chestnut from Beavis & Butthead that's almost as entertaining without their commentary, mainly because it appears to be an AC/DC tribute band fronted by Patton Oswalt.

Love And Rockets - "Ball of Confusion (That's What The World Is Today)"
A bunch of British haircuts' morose cover of one of Motown's token political hits might be the worst thing I've ever heard, but then, I haven't heard Anthrax or Duran Duran's versions of the same song.

Labels: television, video

1. The New Adventures of Old Christine
I had pretty low expectations for this, considering the undistinguished history of new shows starring Seinfeld alumni, especially since CBS tossed it out as a mid-season replacement, not even really in the middle season but in fucking March, which seems like a serious vote of no confidence. But this is actually pretty promising! Julia Louis-Dreyfuss's character has a lot of her usual mannerisms but isn't overly Elaine-esque, and the territory of divorce humor they're charting isn't too played out. And I like that the New Christine is kind of a normal 30something, and not an exaggerated trophy wife type, it makes the premise a little more believable. Andy Richter had a great cameo in a couple episodes, although a few episodes in when Wanda Sykes suddenly showed up as her best friend, it seemed like it was just to appease network notes demanding a sassy black friend. The ex-husband is played by Clark Gregg, who I've always liked despite him usually playing smarmy corporate types in movies like Hoot and In Good Company. He was also the guy in the last 2 episodes of Sports NIght who bought the network, and I always kinda wished I could see a 3rd season with him in the cast. Anyway, I kinda hope Old Christine makes it to the fall schedule, could turn out well. And at the moment, CBS Monday night is actually maybe the most solid 2-hour block of network comedy in a long time, maybe since NBC Thursdays' golden era. How I Met Your Mother is easily my favorite sitcom on TV right now, and King Of Queens and 2 And A Half Men are better than they're given credit for.

2. Yo Momma
I've had a couple conversations with people lately about how appallingly bad this show is even by the standards of MTV's usual attempts at comedies and game shows. I mean, trying to turn "yo momma" jokes into some kind of gritty 8 Mile-style competition with racially diverse crowds cheering the participants on is sketchy enough as a premise, but even the execution is pretty lacklaster, especially because Wilmer Valderrama is shockingly ineffectual host. As much as I loathe Punk'd and the way Ashton Kutcher hosts it, he at least has the obnoxious energy that MTV loves, while Valderrama has that mumbly, deer-in-the-headlights persona that you usually only get for long stretches of time on television when SNL decides to let a professional athlete host an episode. He makes it hard to believe that this guy is a professional actor who's usually pretty funny when in character, let alone the kind of pimp who's been romantically linked with every other starlet in Hollywood.

3. The Showbiz Show With David Spade
I thought I was sick and tired of basic cable shows with nonstop quipping about pop culture news, but I think I'm just sick and tired of Best Week Ever, because shows like this and The Soup are way better just for having an actual writing staff and a host instead of a dozen C-list comics ad libbing badly. Plus Spade kind of started that whole smartassing-about-celebrities school of humor with the Hollywood Minute, so he might as well get his own show in the format. My favorite bit is probably "couch trip," where they show a celeb repeating themselves in different interviews, so far the best one was a montage of Robin Williams making the same Brokeback Mountain jokes over and over, which was just frightening. The most fascinating thing about the show lately, though, is the fact that Spade himself has been implicated in the whole Heather Locklear/Richie Sambora/Denise Richards/Charlie Sheen scandal, and that they've actually done some funny bits about it. Also, it was pretty funny when they had Kid Rock parody his own sex tape.

4. South Park
Those episodes about Family Guy may have ruined FG for me forever. Or at least, I won't be able to watch it for a while without saying "You think that's bad!? What abou the time I was David Hasselhoff's car!?", etc. I love how explicit and ballsy it was compared to all of The Simpsons' half-assed little jabs.

5. Mad About You
Should I be embarrassed that I'm kind of nostalgic for this show? I go through phases where I'll watch certain syndicated old shows a lot for a month or two until I get sick of it again, and lately I've been catching this on Nick At Nite pretty often. It was definitely kind of an inconsistent show, and there are entire episodes where everyone seems to act out of character, and it's weird seeing the first season where there was a guy named Selby instead of cousin Ira, but when it was good, it was a pretty funny show. Also, Mad About You Aliens is classic.

6. VSpot Top 20 Countdown
VH1's old video countdown always had pretty boring hosts, and you could never really trust their rankings since it was one of those vague 'we base the lists on a variety of factors' deals which basically means the network gets to make up the list. So it's cool that they revamped it to be based entirely on viewer votes, and got Matt Pinfield to host. Even if his music trivia encyclopedia schtick is no longer as impressive as it was when I was a 13-year-old staying up late every Sunday to watch 120 Minutes, I still kind of like seeing him on TV.

Labels: comedy, TV, TV Diary, video

Teddy Geiger - "For You I Will (Confidence)"
So my theory is that the RIAA created John Mayer's career so that he could be a younger, prettier Dave Matthews with less classic rock ambitions, but when Mayer went astray with his blues trio, they had to create Teddy Geiger as the new Mayer. I actually kinda like certain parts of this song, namely the way the verses kind of get these rushes of energy out of nowhere every couple bars and then pull back, but dynamics aside, pretty dull. Also the Laguna Beach chick looks weird. 4/10

Red Hot Chilli Peppers - "Dani California"
This whole video concept, which can be boiled down to "watch us dress up like bands from a wide variety of eras and genres that all happen to be playing the same drab alt-rock," has been done many times before, most recently by Morningwood and Bowling For Soup, but even lack of originality aside, this is a new low point for them. Especially because RHCP present all the different styles chronologically, with their current selves as the apparent pinnacle of 50 years of rock evolution. I'm still grappling with the fact that Californication is their biggest selling album. I mean, "By The Way" and a couple other recent singles were aight but why are these guys having so much better a late-period career arc than, say, R.E.M. or some other alt-rock institution that's become incredibly dull by now? 2/10

T-Pain f/ R Kelly, Pimp C, Too $hort, MJG, Twista & Paul Wall - "I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper)" Remix
For a long time I thought this song was kind of annoying and not as good as "I'm Sprung" and too much like that one Wyclef song, but it's slowly grown on me, especially because of this remix. R.'s verse is far and away the highlight, beginning by talking about how he wants to propose to a girl's ass, and ending by saying he wants to put his entire head inside her ass. 6/10

Kelly Clarkson - "Walk Away"
After a year and a half of dudes shamefully rocking out to "Since U Been Gone," Kelly Clarkson has taken it upon herself to show us all how silly we look singing along to her jams. I like that this is kind of in the slick, slightly cheesy production style of "Miss Independent" or, I don't know, recent Bon Jovi, which I kind of like better than the more earnest rock production of, say, "Behind These Hazel Eyes." Kelly's fashion choices are becoming increasingly questionable, but I applaud the right for women who have soft little bellies and not rock hard abs to bare midriffs in public. And that little hip swivel she does at the beginning of the second verse, oh my god. 9/10

Labels: hip hop, TV, video

Black Eyed Peas - "Pump It"
This video makes me feel so bad for Taboo. Not only does he get only 2 lines in the entire song, but he's the only member of the group who doesn't have a cool superpower, unless you count when he karate chops the camera at the very end, which I don't. 6/10

Fall Out Boy - "A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me'"
A while back, I talked about how the Killers kinda dropped the ball with a shitty third video for a song that could've been much bigger with a different video, but it didn't really matter because they'd already sold a couple million records at that point. This is the same kind of deal. I didn't like FOB's first hit, but I like "Dance, Dance" and I like this, but man, this video is ass. Doesn't fit the song at all, truly laughable acting, cheesy Buffie/Blade/Underworld vampire hunter plot, a lot of really annoying sound effects and dialogue that interrupt the song, which is one thing I can never forgive with videos. I mean, sure, go crazy with the choreography and special effects if you want, but let me listen to the actual song. My Chemical Romance's big epic 3rd video was also kind of a disappointing but at least fit and enhanced the mood of the song. 3/10

James Blunt - "You're Beautiful"
I still hate this song, but I've learned to enjoy whenever the video comes on by narrating the action in a shrill imitation of James Blunt's voice. "I took off my shirt. I'm sitting on the ground, with my shoes. I'm very wet, I might as well just jump into the water." Try it, it's loads of fun. 3/10

Busta Rhymes f/ Mary J. Blige, Rah Digga, Missy Elliott, Lloyd Banks, Papoose and DMX - "Touch It (Remix)"
It's a shame somebody had to die at all, but he at least could've died for a better video. It's a pretty entertaining spectacle, though, all the different guests and their names flashing across the screen, sometimes just people who aren't on the even on the song like Sean Paul show up and have their names flashed across the screen.The long long intro that involved both a tribute to Izzy and a silly skit with Spliff Star and a bunch of cheerleaders. And all the terrible terrible verses, maybe the non-rapper out of the bunch, Mary J., having the best verse of anyone, DMX's part rendered (more) incoherent by the censors (BLARGH BLARGH FORK IN YOUR EYE BLARGH BLARGH TOOTHLESS), Missy doing another stupid and slightly creepy verse about how she wishes she looked like Beyonce or Halle Berry or Nia Long. And Papoose managing through it all to still be the worst, like riding the beat never once occurred to him and he just had to do his cheesy conceptual rhyme about his fingers being the 5 boroughs. 4/10

Chris Brown - "Yo (Excuse Me Miss)"
I hated on this video a while back, but the song has really grown on me. And while the choreography is completely bizarre and embarrassing to watch, Omarion's cameo is funny enough to redeem even the unfunny DeRay cameo. 4/10

She Wants Revenge - "Tear You Apart"
I'm kind of fascinated by stuff like this and Louis XIV, and Morningwood, faux-indie bands that get across-the-board negative reviews, like critics and hipsters who fall for shitty nu-rock hypes all the time are just a little too proud of themselves for not falling for these shitty nu-rock hypes. This truly is horrible, but the Joaquin Phoenix-directed video is so over-the-top it's practically camp. There's a dialogue-heavy plot (note to Fall Out Boy: Joaquin Phoenix knows how to use subtitles instead of having people talk all over the song) about a girl who has a dick or some other dark secret that the guy who feels her up at the school dance is shocked and repulsed by. And when the high school lynch mob chases after her, the two wrinkly old douchebags from She Wants Revenge magically appear and rescue her to teach her how to be a happy hermaphrodite or something. 1/10

Missy Elliott - "We Run This"
Dave Meyers is the worst video director in the world when he's working with anyone besides Missy, but together they're pretty good. The first part of the video with "Bad Man" looks pretty amazing and makes me enjoy a song I never much liked on the album. The only parts that annoy me are when Missy's head is super-imposed on other people's bodies in ways that look really cheesy and unrealistic, but I guess that's all a part of her creepy "don't I look like Beyonce?" thing. 7/10

Pussycat Dolls f/ Will.I.Am - "Beep"
At first I thought I just liked this song because of the ELO sample but now I pretty much like the whole thing. It's obnoxious in a fun way like "My Humps" but is pretty well written, too. It's kind of hilarious how on their third single, they finally let a PCD other than the girl from Eden's Crush sing, and even then just a couple of the girls, a line each, Taboo-style, so they're not just glorified video chicks (which really, is what they are, one singer with a permanent crew of video chicks). And even then, the choruses handled by the other 2 girls are the worst parts of the song, they just totally fuck it up. I keep getting the feeling that Will.I.Am is paying homage in this to Q-Tip in the "Breathe And Stop" video, just because these are the only 2 videos I've ever seen where a rapper rides a bike through a room full of dancing chicks. 7/10

Labels: hip hop, R and B, TV, video

There are a lot of webnerd photo/video manipulation things that people find funny but leave me cold, but I'm really enjoying the whole fake movie trailier craze, and Brokeback To The Future might be the best I've seen. For more YouTube madness, check out Tuberaider.

Labels: links, video

Dre - "Naomi"
Much as I like Cool & Dre as a production team (although they really came soft on the last Fat Joe album compared to their beats on Loyalty), I've been predicting and dreading that Dre was gonna try and get some shine as a rapper ever since he starting sticking his face in the camera in the "New York" and "Take You Home" videos. And what do you know, he got signed to Jive and they shot a video for his wack single "Naomi." Jesus, and I thought Pharrell was a terrible rapper. If this guy blows up you are officially not allowed to complain about Kanye's mic skills ever again. Christina Milian is cute in her cameo, although she still has the ill-advised blonde dye job. I can't quite tell if one of the girls at the end of the video is the song's namesake Naomi Campbell, but if so, hey, she was in the "Change Clothes" and "Nasty Girl" videos, too, and those were also wack songs.

Young Jeezy - "Trap Star/Go Crazy"
"Trap Star" might be my favorite record released off his album so far, although I think it's just kind of a video Jeezy got to make for a song he likes because he has a lot of pull at Def Jam right now, because there's already a video for "My Hood" too, which seems to be the official current single. The spelling on the chorus ("I'm a T-R-A-P S-T-R") makes me think of Homer Simpson ("I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T").

Jamie Foxx f/ Ludacris - "Unpredictable"
In the last couple weeks, suddenly they've been running a new version of this video that's about half new footage, half the same footage as the original version. I think maybe they shot some new scenes just so Jamie could show off Eva Longoria, or maybe because they wanted to show Jamie in his classic low key mustache look, and less of his creepy fu manchu and fake-tiger-stripe-tattoos look. I think I liked the old version better, though, mainly because the colors were more uniform and it fit better with the weird triple frame letterbox video style that Hype Williams has been using in every video except for "Gold Digger" lately (Slim Thug's "I Ain't Heard Of That," Beyonce's "Check On It," Twista's "Girl Tonite," Ne-Yo's "So Sick," Young Jeezy's "My Hood," etc.). They kinda messed up the look the video used to have, the original "Unpredictable" was probably the best looking video in that style next to Smitty's "Diamonds On My Neck." It's kind of funny how Hype is so into letterbox innovation, remember what a big deal it was when he premiered the white "milk box" look in the "Big Pimpin'" video?

Robin Thicke f/ Pharrell - "Wanna Love You Girl"
Yet another busy wide screen letterbox Hype video. And y'know, I liked the single off his first album, but I'm starting to get tired of this cat, it seems like people are way too eager to write about him and drop the "oh my god, did you know he's Alan Thicke's son?" bomb like anyone doesn't know by now. This song is absolute trash, like a bad parody of contempo R&B, saying "wanna love you girl" over and over in monotone and then layering a falsetto vocal. Another nu-Neptunes beat with unquantized drums that are supposed to sound "raw" and "live" but just sound like they were programmed by someone who doesn't know how to work a drum machine. Thank god the Neps aren't working on the new Timberlake album due to disputes with Jive, so they can pawn off their terrible would-be Justin tracks to their wannabe Justin.

Chris Brown - "Yo (Excuse Me Miss)"
The song has a nice quiet, intimate vibe, and his voice has less of that shrill, piercing tone than it does on "Run It," which makes my ears bleed, but oh my god, his dancing in this video is the most bizarre, embarrassing shit I have ever seen. It's like Usher's most ill-advised moves crossed with the Elaine Benes dance with the elbows and the kicks.

Labels: hip hop, R and B, video

AOL Music has the video for Fiona Apple's "Not About Love," which features the always entertaining Zach Galifianakis lip syncing the song Chevy Chase/Paul Simon-style.

Labels: comedy, video

Inspector - "Ska Voovee Boobie Baby"
This is possibly the greatest ska song I've ever heard, simply because the title is "Ska Voovee Boobie Baby". In the video, a pretty lady dresses and undresses and showers while a tiny ska band, who are all about 6 inches tall, serenade her throughout her apartment, standing in her medicine cabinet, on the soapdish in her shower, and so on.

Ricky Martin f/ Debbie Nova and Fat Joe - "Que Mas Da"
The Espanol version of "I Don't Care", which still sucks, but the lyrics at least sound a little less awkward in a foreign tongue. Amerie's part is replaced by some other girl singing it in Spanish, but then Fat Joe's verse in English is completely unchanged. Weird.

Thalia - "Amar Sin Ser Amada"
I've watched this video a hundred times and I'm still not sure if I even like the song.

Plastillina Mosh - "Mr. P Mosh"
Some kind of Mexican equivalent to Beck that got some college radio hype in the mid-90's with an album produced by the Dust Brothers. And for some reason, MTV Espanol is still playing their video from '96. I'm wondering if it was actually huge in Latin America and has some kind of modern classic status, or if noone actually likes it but they don't have many videos so they keep playing it. This is really some bullshit, though, just a couple of smirking dumbasses lazily lip syncing while a lady in a revealing dress with a totally creepy old-looking face dances between them.

Adassa f/ Pitbull - "Kamasutra"
Pitbull seems to be on constant rotation on MTVE, between this and "Toma" and the Ying Yang Twins' amazing "Shake" and the remix to Voltio's "Bumper" (maybe the only one of the 8 million reggaeton songs in rotation that I actually like). I like this one, Pitbull doing those ridiculous triplet cadences over the Coolie Dance riddim.

Labels: TV, video

Anthony used to do running commentary on videos on VH1 Classic, but he hasn't in a while, and now that the greatest video channel in the world is finally part of my cable package, I'm stealing the idea.

Robert Palmer - "Looking For Clues"
A 1980 new wave chestnut in which Palmer looks and sounds so much like Sting that it honestly took me a minute to be absolutely sure this wasn't some obscure Police video even though I know the Police catalog fairly well. He looks so ridiculously dorky and awkward bouncing around a blank white set in this that it's not surprising that when he stumbled upon a successful video concept that made him look suave and cool, he kept remaking it over and over.

Chicago - "25 or 6 To 4"
Apparently in 1986, following the departure of Peter Cetera, Chicago re-recorded one of their classic 70's marching band hits for the album Chicago 18 (how many bands have gotten up into double digits with numbered self-titled albums?), with big, harsh 80's overproduced drum machine beats that almost sound proto-industrial. And then, they shot this amazing sci fi video that takes place in the year 2036 in some confusing dystopian future version of Chi-town.

John Mellencamp - "Ain't Even Done With The Night"
John and his band dress up like some kind of R&B vocal group and lip sync with syncronized dance moves and finger snapping. This features one of the greatest moments I've ever seen in a music video, in which Mellencamp's saxophonist lip syncs his own sax solo with completely amazing facial gyrations. It's a good song, too! That recent Mellencamp best-of collection keeps calling to me every time I'm in a record store.

Labels: TV, video

Hot Apple Pie - "Hillbillies"
This seems predistined to be a hit right out of the box like "Redneck Woman", although I'm not sure how much I like it yet. You know what I mean, though? It's like those "you know you ghetto" songs that are big every couple years, except now it's white people learning to reclaim terms of self-loathing with a prideful anthem. Or maybe I'm giving this song too much credit, it's a bit sillier and more nonsensical than "Redneck Woman", but you know what I mean. I honestly didn't realize until seeing the video for the 3rd or 4th time that it's a shot-for-shot remake/homage/parody/whatever of "Drop It Like It's Hot". I mean, it just looked like a black & white performance video until I realized all the details are the same. Except they didn't do the part at the end where Snoop pulls up his pant leg and shows you his sock. And as far as I'm concerned that's the most important part.

SheDaisy - "Don't Worry 'Bout A Thing"
This has to be the first time a band has sung about finding its own CDs in the bargain bin. I respect that kind of self-awareness.

Cowboy Troy - "I Play Chicken With The Train"
I'm actually kind of impressed with his flow on this, it's nothing special but way better than that blocky slow 'old school' type rapping he does on that Big & Rich song. That white kid named Chance that was on Muzik Mafia TV is still way better though. CT's definitely wise to do a single with B&R on the hook and go straight for the country audience instead of even trying to go for the hip hop audience. I mean, country is definitely more open-minded to that kind of crossover these days, who would've predicted a year ago that Nelly would be in heavy rotation on CMT?

Jo Dee Messina - "My Give A Damn's Busted"
There's something about post-Shania country with sassy spoken bits over the music that's like nails on a chalkboard to me, and it feels both like she takes a decent song concept and goes nowhere with it, and like it could've been phrased better (although I'm not sure how; 'I'm all out of damns to give' maybe?). And those pants in the video, ugh. There is one lyric I love, though ("You can crawl back home, say you were wrong/stand out in the yard and cry all night long/go ahead and water the lawn").

Labels: country music, TV, video

Trace Adkins - "Songs About Me"
Trace gets seated on a flight next to a bespectacled intellectual type, who notices and inquires about the fact that his carry-on is a guitar case. After Trace explains that he's a country singer, the short-haired yuppie type scoffs at our ponytailed hero that he doesn't care for "that twang and trains and hillbilly thing". In the chorus, Trace offers the defense that he sings "songs about me, and who I am, songs about lovin' and livin' and goodhearted women and family and" -- wait for it -- "God". I like the livin'/women rhyme, but I kinda wish he had kept it on a more narcissistic angle: "naw, I don't sing about all those other hillbillies, just me!" Trace offers the young urban professional tickets to the show, and by the end of the 2nd verse, the formerly country-hating hipster is in the front row and concedes "man, you were right, it was like you were singing those songs about ME!" The first time I saw the video I was thrown off by Trace's lead guitarist's passing resemblence to the stranger on the plane, and after realizing that wasn't the case, I wished they'd gone all the way with the fantasy and taken it in that direction: the ex-C&W-hater is so thoroughly convinced that he jumps onstage and joins the band for a scorching solo! But no.

Sawyer Brown with Robert Randolph - "Mission Temple Fireworks Stand"
I can't quite decide whether this is as bold and colorful as it wants to be, or if it's just the video that accomplishes this effectively. Nor am I sure whether this is the sort of thing that could reach across borders and grab the ears of the kind of people who usually turn a blind eye to pop country but lost their shit for Big & Rich (or ride planes with Trace Adkins), or if they'd ignore it or sniff it out as trying too hard right off the bat.

Josh Gracin - "Nothin' To Lose"
The follow up to my 4th favorite country single of 2004 finds Gracin in fast talking mode, racing through syllables and inanely rhyming "Miller time" with "breaker breaker one nine". Twista he is not.

Martina McBride - "God's Will"
There should be a special circle of hell reserved for lyricists who would both employ shameless wordplay in such a way that a song with this title is about a pious young boy named Will, and make it this overwrought and dramatic. It's also kind of hilarious how the bookend lyric that she wrings a ton of emotion out of at the end is "I met God's Will on a Halloween night, he was dressed as a bag of leaves". The "I've been searchin', wonderin', thinkin'" part is a big juicy hook, but it deserves a better, less treacly song to be a part of.

Labels: country music, singles, video

Here is the video for "Mappando" by WaFlash & Ken Stringfellow, the title track from a 'digital EP' recently released exclusively through iTunes and Napster and some other sites like that, a collaboration between a member of The Posies and a group from Senegal that is immensely popular in their home country but has not had anything released in North America or Europe. Ken seems to have become one of those eclectic international jetsetting rock star types since becoming an auxillary member of R.E.M. in the late 90's, as evidenced by the fact that his latest solo album, last year's Soft Commands, was written and recorded largely in places like Stockholm and Paris, and features multicultural flourishes such as a song with an extended dub section. Or at least, those are the dots I tend to connect when a Western musician whose previous music draws almost exclusively from the anglo pop tradition decides to head to Africa for inspiration. And within that frame, "Mappando" doesn't seem to break the Graceland mold, but it's kind of an interesting fusion nonetheless. Apparently the OS on my laptop is too old for me to be able to buy songs from iTunes, and I don't know if that one song has enticed me enough that I would get the whole EP anyway, but maybe if they manage to release it as a proper CD sometime I'll check it out.

Labels: The Posies, video